It is possible for your partner to enthusiastically give you something you want that they don’t  want

How is that possible? They feel indebted to you. Simple! 

If you pay attention to the street, you’d have heard the term “gratitude sex”

This person gives you sex because they feel so grateful that you came through for them. They’re so happy you did that they want to show you the gratitude depth. 

That they’re doing it with enthusiasm isn’t a guarantee that they enjoy it. Guilt & indebtedness will manifest strongly because they’re felt deeply. 

So here’s my question to you. When you give your partner, do they feel appreciated or do they feel indebted? 

You’re liking a woman and you start sending her money and gifts back to back or showing up as support continuously but you’re not saying anything. If she’s not someone who can cheat and act aloof afterwards, you’ve scattered the equilibrium of the relationship because now she’s not sure what she has to pay back with. 

So, she asks what are we doing and you say you love her. She agrees but she doesn’t know you. All the time she was supposed to spend looking at you and knowing you, she spent it wondering what you wanted.

Am I saying don’t be nice? Naaah 

I’m saying be MUTUAL

Receive from people. If you don’t receive now, people feel compelled to give you anything and that’s terrible romantically because you’ll be dating yourself. 

You don’t even notice it’s happening. That’s where you start hearing “I never loved you but you were so sweet” or “you supported me when I didn’t have” 

There’s a balance to this thing in terms of sacrifice and loving relentlessly but your partner has to be on the same level of reception or they’ll equate it to emotional debt. 

You might want to ask yourself

1. How did I become friends with …

2. What was the game-changer for me?

Photo by Ehud Neuhaus on Unsplash

The same thing comes to play in relationships where one person chases for too long. 

I think it is ‘bad market’ for a guy to chase for too long. After a while, he stops wanting the woman, he starts trying to win the conquest, to prove to himself that he’s worth you, or starts trying to make a profit from the time, energy and money expended. 

Eventually, the relationship has shifted to war or a business plan. 

If you’ve been chasing a woman for long, you might want to ask yourself why you’re still chasing her? If you stopped chasing her right now, what would you lose? You might be shocked to find your resources are now your drive, not her. 

As a woman playing the ‘hard to get’ card, you need to know you’re setting yourself up. He’s devoting resources (energy, time, money, passion, sexual appeal) to you that should be resting or yielding elsewhere. When he gets you, he drops you like hot buns because he needs to make up for lost time with the things he abandoned. Then you say he changed. He didn’t; you overstretched him and now he has you. No need for the headaches

Does your partner want what you’re giving?

Is your partner at peace with giving you what you’re asking abi “they’re trying”?

Are you chasing the relationship or the wasted resources? 

Does he want you or is he trying to win? 

I wish you love 

© Elizabeth Akunyili (MinisterLiza)