To have or not to have

 Over the years, as an individual, I have been learning on how to do sex, relationship and marriage better. Not just because I am a sex and relationship counselor but because I have a great family romance and marriage heritage. There’s a reputation set down already that I can’t just live below the bar. Besides, I have seen how the romantic and marriage life of my parents, grandparents and other family members and friends are lovely and great and I do want to have, in the least, what they have. This quest in knowing how to do relationship and marriage well birthed the Romancing Like God and also Romance Café.

Well, I am still learning, but there so much I need to learn that I have to learn all of them as fast as I can. Besides, we usually add “fast learner” as one of our skills in of Curriculum Vitae.

Fortunately, gist with my father, other great lovers and lessons from good books have helped a great deal. I can tell you that it has bettered not just my relationship with bae but also my relationship with colleagues and people all around me, including you. Well, my relationship has given me all the opportunities I need to learn romance and to rehearse all the lessons (excluding sex) that I have been taking.

So let’s gist about the koko I want to share with you guys today. Bae and I were working on some of the things we would need in our new house when we get married to be able to create the atmosphere of home and the romance we desire. So we got a book and started making our list based on priority.

Guessed what? We started from the kitchen, moved to the bedroom before we started considering how we wanted our parlour to look like. Some counsellors say it’s better to start from the bedroom. Yeah, maybe I was selfish but bae liked how I like it. I have always believed that the most important part of a house is the kitchen (because I like food, isn’t that obvious? Hahahaha) and then the bedroom (because I like sleep too although I may not sleep as much as you do, and I will surely also like the bedroom food too), then parlour can come into consideration. Well, you could hardly find me at home during the day unless it’s a day off or the visitation was planned. So furniture and TV are usually not my thing per se. So guess what? furniture and TV came last on the list. I have stayed for more than one year without putting on the TV. Don’t worry, Home-Theatre sound system came earlier. Hahahaha.

Well, I know the place of the TV as regards a source of information and entertainment and also as a form of interior decoration of the house. But I get all the news I need from social media and any entertainment I can’t get in church or the different events I attend, I get to enjoy them online or over the radio too. I know you think I could be so boring and dry. Well, I think so too. But it makes me sane, very sane.

I have always advised that a TV is okay in the parlour for a couple, but I think otherwise when there is also a TV in the bedroom, most especially if the marriage is a young one. Yes I know your dad and mom and some persons around you may always see the movie first in the bedroom to vet it before bringing it to the parlour for the children to watch. And I agree that such practice is good and okay. But now, we are talking of a young marriage and a marriage that is less than 5 or 10 sef is still a young marriage. So, it’s best you spend the late nights censoring the movies in the parlour than spend your talking time in the bedroom censoring a movie for the kids.

Now, this is what I mean, and Brian and Barbara Edwards have helped me to articulate it better in their book “No Longer Two”. They said:

“We recommend that at least for the first two years of your life together you do not have a television. Without it you will be forced to talk together, and who knows, you may find it such fun that you will never want one.”  Well, if you want to see a movie, visit a cinema.

I know you have some great TV programmes and series you can’t just seem to do without and for many people in this generation and economic reality when people get to leave the house for work at about 6:30 ad return at about 8pm, the TV is one sure way for unwinding and entertaining. However, we must ask ourselves if our entertainment is more important than the health of our marriage.

Okay, I am not saying that you should go sell your TV or give it out. No. I am not advising that. What I am saying is simple; you don’t need a TV in your bedroom as a young couple. If you guys need to see a TV programme, then make the effort to walk to the parlour and take a seat. Well, if that task is too hard, then, spend the time talking and gisting with your spouse on the bed. You could even spend the time cuddling sef or just remaining quiet jare. And please, don’t take the TV out of the room and bring in your smart phone. The hours you spending surfing the web and on social media with your smart phone is even worse than seeing a TV programme in your bedroom. At least, you and your spouse can be seeing the TV programme together and chit chatting about it. And that is not possible while you guys are separately surfing the web on chatting on Social Media.

For me, it’s okay to have a sound system in the bedroom. Blues, Soul, Country and Jazz are good genres of music to control and dictate the mood in the bedroom. However, I also don’t see why there should be a TV in the kitchen in the first early years. The Bedroom and kitchen and even the bathroom are the perfect chit chat, gist and gossip locations, venues and event centres in your marriage and home. Why allow the TV take away your talking time and talking venues? Cooking together is one good way to gist and bond. Trust me, seeing a TV programme can’t be compared, emotionally.

So maybe you are about to or yet to start thinking about what to have or not to have in the house and in the bedroom and kitchen, think properly. You definitely don’t want me to help you make that list, you may think I am unreasonable. Eg. I would bring a fridge before a washing machine and an oven may be the last thing in the kitchen list (unless you are a baker professionally and career wise).

Don’t forget that I am talking about how to better the romance in your marriage and romance is doing and saying what makes your partner feel loved, wanted, cherished and prioritized above all others unconditionally. Talking and talking is one way to better your romance. You need to assign quality time to your partner; a time you guys just sit or lay side by side, gisting. You guys shouldn’t just talk when there is a major decision to be made or quarrel to be settled or fight to be resolved. Remember you guys are already spending so much time apart from each other in the day because of work schedules. Why allow the TV and smart phones in the bedroom still make you guys far apart at nights?

Let me stroll away now. But don’t forget what I really want to tell you today: “We recommend that at least for the first two years of your life together you do not have a television. Without it you will be forced to talk together, and who knows, you may find it such fun that you will never want one.”

My name is Earl and I am Alright. It’s your relationship with Jesus that makes your sex and romantic life sweet.

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation). You Rock!

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