A Prostitute’s Approach to Romance

 There is something we can learn from everything and every person. You may not believe it, but prostitutes sometimes catch my fancy. Like, I wonder what’s going on in their heads. Interestingly, I have never thought of a prostitute in a bad way. I have never treated them lesser than other people and I have also never thought of having sex with one, even when I was sexually active. The origin of professional prostitution (commercial sex workers or adult entertainers) has always caught my interest, even though the practice started maybe before Abraham was born.

She (the prostitute) was a very attractive, exposed and intelligent woman that no house wife could match. They were usually positioned in places of worship, education and relaxation. They were enlightened and could discuss with many intellectuals on many topics; what most housewives in the days before Jesus couldn’t do.

So a prostitute wasn’t a girl trading sex because she was broke, without accommodation or uneducated. Let me shock you a bit. Some theologians argue that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute. That she was the adulteress that was to be stoned when Jesus wrote in the sand. Even if you don’t want to agree, the scenario at Simon’s house showed that she may have been a prostitute. However, we fail to realize that she was very rich from the value of her perfume. And not just that, Jewish history says that her brother, Lazarus, was one of the richest Jews in his day. So she was from a wealthy family and she was also well to do.

I believe there are many things we, single or married, can learn from the life and business styles of prostitutes and use it to better our romance.

  1. She Creates and Prepares the Right Mindset

Now, really think about it; do you think it is easy for a prostitute to allow unknown people to have sex with her and do other things? It takes a lot of personal psyching-up and pep-talk on their part to do this job. They know the risks but they dare it.

Just like prostitution, it takes a lot for us to just allow people come into our lives and private spaces. So we ask questions like:

Is marriage a must?

Must I enter a relationship?

Must I date someone from my tribe, religion?

And many other similar questions.

Truth is, we need to talk ourselves into doing things. Sometimes, we get tired. We’ve been hurt before, we weren’t well appreciated by our partner (which is the prostitute’s client), but we have to get back to the job of loving and servicing once more. Even when the prostitute doesn’t like your face, but for the joy (your bank notes) before her, she will endure the cross, despising the mouth odour, etc.

You know, sometimes, our relationship and marriage needs the same. We wake up and psych ourselves to love our partner; to smile back, to serve them, to be there for them. Every day, the prostitute knows that she has to do this. 

  1. She Gets Physically Prepared

A prostitute doesn’t joke with her wardrobe. It’s not a joking thing. She knows it’s not just about her skills or shape or location but that her appearance matters a lot, too. She understands that physical attraction is important and so also sexual attraction.

Interestingly, she doesn’t show you all she’s got physically. So she uses the old English rule of “let your dress be long enough to cover the res but short enough to preserve the interest”. So, although she flaunts the boobs, you don’t get to see the nipples. If you see the nipples through the thin top, then you wouldn’t see the skin of the boobs until you pay. She flaunts her thighs, but you never see her pants. Even when prostitutes wear bum shorts, they cross their legs or join their knees together and tilt the legs to one side. They always preserve the res.

It doesn’t make sense the way some of us dress. Some either dress as if they were older or as if they were far younger. We can’t tell if you are married and with kids or you are single. Some of us feel too comfortable with how we appear under the security of already being in a relationship or marriage. We can’t just joke with how we appear before people and most especially how we appear to our partners. The prostitute doesn’t take that risk; even if you are her only client, she would always dress to impress you. So physically impressing our partner is very important.

Remember we are learning the Prostitutes Approach to Romance. Prostitution is wrong, it is bad.  However, there are many good things we can learn from these folks; something makes their entrepreneurship and industry to be successful. It ain’t bad if we learned them and adapt them in a positive and godly way.

  1. She Positions Herself

Oh my, you can’t miss her. You just can’t, no matter how much the room is crowded. She knows how to stay at one corner (nh, not doing that Ghana “one corner dance” thing). She knows the street her type of customers drive through. She knows the bar where they go to drink. She knows the party they attend. You definitely must see her.

Some people wonder why ushers and choir people easily get married. Simple, they position themselves in places where you must see them every Sunday and Wednesday. I am not saying go and join the choir or ushering  of your church o. But if all you do is go to work, and come home straight. Go late to church and leave early and you hate birthdays, weddings, naming, funerals, etc. And you also strongly dislike Facebook, Instagram and don’t comment in Whatsapp groups, it’s not a prophecy o, but your wedding date is very far. My daughter may be your little bride

  1. She Sometimes Solicits for Patronage by Flirting

I have met many people who are single praying to be married but don’t want to socialize. They are not willing to make new friends or repair old relationships. They would never chat you up or return an SMS or DM. They have been on Facebook for 6 years but have only 200 friends. They know everybody in their church but less than 20% of church people can recognize them outside. No, they are not reserved. It’s not being a phlegmatic or melancholy. They are just not positioning themselves. Ask Ruth and she would tell you what Naomi told her. While working on this piece, I even took out some time to see again TEDx The Science of Seduction. You may want to check it out.

The prostitutes know how to wink. She has even developed her ascent that her voice “twits” and twerks like nice speakers. She knows how to swing her hips and knows how to stylishly rub her knees–the top one of the crossed legs. She does throw her hair well and flirts with some of its strands. Her gaze is firm although shy. If you don’t say something, she will. If you pretend not to see her, she would stroll towards where you are. You just can’t miss her.

It’s terrible that some married folks don’t even know how to flirt with their partners. I am not talking about teasing among singles o; just ordinary flirting. Please, if you can’t get your partner’s attention when you want, male or female, please, consult with any of our counselors; your romantic destiny needs help. Okay, there is the balance to all these; don’t go throwing yourself at people but position yourself well. You never know how far a “good afternoon” salutation can go regarding business, career and even romance.

  1. She Negotiates and Bargains Upfront

The fact that she wants a client doesn’t mean she shouldn’t state her terms when business is proposed. See, if you want to consider a guy, be careful how you respond. When it comes to romance, there are three answers to a guy’s proposal:

Yes,

No,

Maybe.

Some girls answer no when they ought to have said maybe. Then they get angry that he moved on to another person (usually their friend). And it’s the same with some guys. A girl is giving you attention, you know you like her and she could be a great prospect. But instead of keeping her hopes high, you start forming cutest guy in the neighborhood. Shey you see your life now?  She moved on. Doh.

So if you want a relationship, state it up front. If you just want friendship and nothing more, state it. Don’t let people relate with you based on assumptions. What I am teaching may appear to be for ladies alone. Nah; it’s for all of us, guys too.

  1. She Gets Down Payment

In business, most times, the principle is no upfront payment, no delivery of goods or rendering of service. Romance is business too. Don’t take the friendship further if he or she doesn’t commit some more to you or the friendship. Don’t show her to family and friends if she hasn’t said yes. Don’t start dreaming of a wedding if he hasn’t asked you out; there should be a “down payment.” The rule is simple for the prostitute “money for hand, back for ground.”

Love isn’t just a saying word, it’s also a doing word. What is she saying and doing? What is he doing and saying? Do her words and actions sync? I used to know some babes that you will never see in students’ village on campus. They are always in their rooms. I wondered how they expected to be seen by prospective mates.

  1. She Makes Herself Vulnerable

She risks being kidnapped by her clients for rituals and other purposes. She risks her health by exposing herself to STIs, STDs and the HIV. She even risks being caught, arrested and prosecuted.

Love is vulnerable. Some people can’t be heart-broken. Friend, you are not loving truly, and with all your heart if you aren’t vulnerable to hurt from your partner. If the person you are dating or married to can’t hurt you deeply and break your heart, then you are obviously not totally committed to the person and the relationship. You are playing safe. Love is vulnerable to hurt from words, use of information, use of body, use of money etc.

  1. She Renders the Service

I have met people with commitment phobia. They fear getting married. They plan and prepare for everything. They even do introduction but can’t follow through with the actual relationship or marriage (just like the movie; the Runaway Bride). You need help and perhaps, therapy. Our counsellors are willing to help. So contact one.

Imagine Ruth wearing that dress, and the perfume, gets to the house of Boaz and refuse to lay by his feet. Imagine Esther spending all those months being groomed and refusing to enter the King’s chambers. Imagine Abraham’s Servant saying all those prayers but refusing to walk up to Rebecca. That’s how it is when you refuse to act accordingly. There are some questions I would love your to quietly answer:

Why have you been engaged more than once?

Why have you engaged more than one babe?

Why is it that you are the one always ending your relationships?

Yes I agree they were all bad, I mean all your exes. But don’t you think you still need some self check?

  1. She Compliments Her Client

Talking about compliments; over the weekend, I realized I had learned a bad habit recently by not saying thanks any and every time I was served food. Maybe it is because I spent several years eating out and was always busy with my phone when the food was served and always walked out leaving the dishes on the table when I am done. However, as simple as that courtesy is, it is important because the way we do one thing is the way we do every other thing.

The prostitute will never tell you that your penis is too small (who cares, so long as she gets her pay). She will never tell you that you cummed too early (who cares, besides, it gives her time to attend to other clients). Even when it was boring, not satisfactory, she would always make you feel that you were baba. Even when you complain that you weren’t good enough or you didn’t perform maximally, all she would do is to acknowledge it and encourage you. She would build your self esteem and even offer you a discount if you choose to come back next time in order for her to teach you some stuff. She treats every customer as her one and only customer (the same way Sterling Bank say they do).

How much do you compliment your partner for helping you out with something? How often do your compliment your spouse even after sex? How much do you compliment your partner for helping you out with money, with a project, with an assignment, with a house chore? How often do you do that?

  1. She Prays and Hopes that Her Clients Will Return Again

Faith is good, but faith without hope is…not healthy. Always hope for the best in your relationship. Always believe that your partner won’t breakup with you or divorce you or cheat on you. Always hope that for every time that someone tempts your spouse out there, he or she would always come back to you.

 

The prostitute, just like every other entrepreneur always hopes for the best. She always hopes that her clients won’t only return but refer people to her. Do you think they don’t pray or have hopes and wishes? Who doesn’t? We all do; especially entrepreneurs. And prostitutes are entrepreneurs who trade in sex. So business rules apply to them too. And hey, so is romance

  1. She Goes through all the Process from Number 1-10 Every Time, Even if It Is the Same Client

She doesn’t say, I was mentally prepared last time and so, I don’t have to be mentally prepared again, this time. She doesn’t say that because he saw her dressed up last time, she could now dress down this time. She goes through all the process again. Are you ready and willing to go through all the process, again and again for your partner even if it means everyday?

You know, I attended a meeting for couples organized by Pastor David Ovie recently and there was an activity in which a guy needed to toast (woo) his wife in front of the audience. And she didn’t fall our hand. Well, bae and I try to do same often; we go through everything I said when I asked her out, everything that has happened (the lovely romantic ones which gives the relationship hope and strengthen us).

If you do these things that I have advised you, you would have acted wisely. So I decree: the Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:  The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. “Yes indeed, it won’t be long now.” God’s Decree. “Things are going to happen so fast your head will swim, one thing fast on the heels of the other. You won’t be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once—and everywhere you look, blessings! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills. “I’ll make everything right again for my people, you…” God, your God, says so.

My name is Earl, and I am Alright

God bless Nigeria (we are good people, and a great nation).

P.S. – This article is a collaboration of notes used at the Romance Café WhatsApp group.

Thanks to Maureen for our Photo