Silence is (Also) Romantic

Since we resumed this year, our focus has been romance upgrade and update and good for you if you have been able to translate what we teach here into your everyday life. Our focus is usually on the little things that most people take for granted. And I remember one time, this year 2017, I taught on how to boost your romance through SMS. Some tried it and came back to tell me that it worked amazingly. However, I wonder how many of us who it worked for then are still doing it. Nothing is new under the sun the wise man said. If something worked for you yesterday, it may also work for you today. And it may not too. But if you don’t make efforts to study it and learn from it, you won’t know whether to repeat it of abandon it for something else, something new.

Apostle Paul was sick of some folks; they kept on learning and learning but never used what they learned. It never changed their lives for the better. And it wasn’t the fault of the teacher or that of the syllabus but that of the learners. I always tell myself something that if I pay for a class, that class must first of all, make me my money back before any other thing else. That makes me put to work anything I am taught in any WhatsApp group, including this Romance Café Whatsapp group. So when other counsellors share anything here, I always ask myself “how can I use this in my relationship and romantic life today?” And I ensure I use the knowledge in not more than 48 hours

Romance is work. A great relationship isn’t because of chance. Yes, I know about grace and favour. But Apostle Paul also mentioned that the grace of God upon his life was not unto nothing. We enjoy grace and favour because we “work” and not because we do nothing. “I love you” and “You love me” isn’t what makes a great relationship. The only thing that seems to come natural to us humans is bad and evil. Most times, it’s like we don’t even think about it before we hurt someone else. So when you see a great relationship, it isn’t because the couple is lucky to have found each other. Nah. It isn’t even because they were predestined to marry each other. Nah.

In fact, most of the greatest relationships and marriages that we admire and some we even envy are relationships in which none of the party saw a dream, heard a voice or received a prophecy. When people mention great relationship around me, I ask them if they would be able to do what those people are doing. I have some folks who contact bae and I and like, they so admire us, this and that and some say I am lucky, others say that she is lucky. In fact, when they say so, I laugh. Because if you say she is lucky, try befriending me. You go hail. So why you think she is lucky, she is wondering, “can you give and take what I am giving and taking to make my relationship work?”

 

Some of you cannot boast of a friend for five years. Ehn ehn o, not a relationship, just a friend. And we end up by saying things like: I am not lucky with boys. I am not lucky with girls. Abeg o, who is?

If you work (on) your relationship, it would work and one way to enjoy simple romance in your relationship is through silence. Some people only know how to fast and pray and go here and there when in search of a spouse but after she comes, the dude forgets how to say the Lord’s prayer. Talking on the phone or on WhatsApp calls or other audio visual social media platforms may not be cheap. But well, we can’t deny that it is cheaper now than it was 2 years back. And there are many Closed User Groups (CUG) options where you can spend less than N1 for a minute call.

My gist today is more directed to the married and those in relationship than the singles. Forgive me. When last did you sit next to your partner and just be quiet? When last did you just stay on the phone and just be quiet for 30 minutes straight? Or, you think that the money is more important than hearing your partner breathe and nothing more?

And for the married, when last did you just choose to lay on your spouse’s thigh or stomach and choose to read a novel there or see a movie on your phone there? When last did you choose to take a walk with your partner and the major issue for discussion was just silence (the art of being together, just together)?

Communication is very important and quietness is part of great communication. Listening is one amazing skill and component of communication. Now, that listening must not be what your partner is saying but;

The rhythm of his heart

The sound of her breathe

The chirping of one bird somewhere

Everyone seems to like cuddling, especially ladies. But when last did you choose to just lay next to each other without any sexual touching, dear couple? We just like being busy. Busy up and down. Talking and talking (especially sanguines like me). As long as we live and exist and are together, there is always something to talk about. We just have to talk. But who says so?

The art of silence

If it’s on phone you would communicate with your partner today, leave some credits for five minutes silence; you won’t die. Tell your partner “I just want to hear your breathing” or “I just want to hear the sound of the fan in your room (and nothing more).” Learn to enjoy peace and calmness in your relationship. It’s a skill. Learn it

Silence communicates to your partner:

I feel peace with you

I am at rest with you

I’ve got no fears or worries with you

I feel safe and secure with you

It communicates I rather spend this time being with you, doing nothing, than spend it watching Big Brother Naija or Jenifa. It communicates I know the sink is full, some paper works still need to be sorted out, I need to check the back door, but I want to first pause and feel your pulse

Now, for anything I teach, it is because I have learned it, experimented it, enjoyed it, before I share it. So try it too. Bae and I have done perhaps more than 30 minutes many times just being quiet. It’s cool when the other in that quietness sleeps off. Because like every ten minutes interval one person would call out “are you still there?”

I remember teaching that it is even romantic to sit next to your partner and still send him or her a cute SMS. It just betters the romance. In fact, it is even romantic to be in the same place with your partner, call, and say, I just like staring at you from this distance

We are talking about Romance here and not about convenience. If all we do is out of convenience, then we are not ready to have a great romance.

My name is Earl, and I am Alright

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation)

You guys rock, I just roll

 

 

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