An Open Letter to Christian Singles Praying for Mr. or Mrs. Right

Dear friend,

I learnt that you are praying for “God’s will” in marriage. You want God to show you the special one for you to marry. I understand that you do not want to make mistakes; to avoid stories that touch.

However, I am worried about your motive for praying for “God’s will” for marriage. Did you seek God’s will for your course of study, NYSC posting, where to apply for jobs, clothes to wear and food to eat?

Well, I have come to realize that most people who “seek ‘God’s will'” in marriage do so to abdicate responsibilities. Whenever things turn sour, they would technically excuse themselves from the cause of the problem. That was the nature of fallen Adam. After eating the forbidden fruit, he blamed it on the woman: “It was the woman you gave me who gave me the fruit, and I ate it.”

I am not asking you to stop asking for God’s will. I am only suggesting that you “become God’s will” instead. While waiting for God to send you the best man or woman for you, become the best version of yourself – A man or woman anyone would enjoy marrying.

Almost everyone would desire to marry someone who manifest the “fruit of the spirit” to fullest. Galatians 5: 22 – 23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Imagine getting married to a woman or man who possess these qualities. How would your home look like? Heaven on earth? Well, not really. It could still be HELL if you do not possess these qualities yourself.

My dear friend, while God prepares a place for you, prepare yourself for the place. Like a Yoruba proverb, “ki ori inu re ma ba t’ode re je” (Let my Yoruba people help us translate). While God is preparing a woman or man for you, prepare yourself for that woman or man too. Become “God’s will”.

It is almost impossible to possess all the fruit of the spirit by your human efforts. All you need is to submit yourself to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5: 16, 19 – 24: “So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”

You are NOT born again if you do not nail the passions and desires of your sinful nature to the cross. Even if you marry an angel, you would still have a terrible home if you do not “run” the home God’s way. Are you running your relationship the way God wants it? Or you are running it by your cultural background or by what the experts (pastors inclusive) are saying?

Conclusion:

Stop worrying yourself about “Mr. or Mrs. right”. Submit yourself to God to mold you into the kind of person HE wants you to be. This is not limited to the spiritual or religious part of you. It also covers romance, your fatherliness/motherliness, your disposition as a husband or wife, your decision-making skills, problem solving skills, communication skills.

Thank you for reading.

Yours sincerely,

Noah A Bello

Counsellor at the Alright’s  Passion

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