We have been trying to answer some questions in recent time and we would continue to do so. You may want to see the last three previous blog posts.

I know most people grew-up in settings where they can’t ask questions. Their parents didn’t answer, community people didn’t answer, church people didn’t answer. And even teachers that would have answered didn’t know the answer. We automatically became conditioned not to ask questions since when we asked, we were always rebuked for “thinking that way.” Some thought we wanted to challenge their authorities. Some others felt we were to inquisitive. So instead of giving us the answers or helping us by joining us to find them, they frustrated and cursed our desires to even want to know.

Most of us have questions deep down inside of us, but we are too worried about the negative reactions of people and fail to ask. We see it a lot here too at the Romance Cafe; people are always waiting for “the first person” to ask and see the reaction others give before they consider asking. I am sorry that this is the society we leave in but the Bible says “ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find (what you are looking for).”

The questions I want you to focus on today are questions you should take a note and write your answers in.

  1. What do I think my partner wants from me in this relationship/marriage?

Now, this is based on what you THINK, so think. Remember that in one of my classes this month, we asked a question “why did you ask me out?” And also “why are you still in this relationship/marriage with me?” This may appear like a twist to that question but it is however, somehow independent (although all the questions I am making you ask are all intertwined).

There was a time I asked us the question “what is that special and unique thing you are going to offer your partner or that you are presently offering your partner that he or she can’t easily find/get out there?” Well, answering the questions I am asking today would help you know what to really offer. So the next question is:

  1. Dearie, what do you want and expect from me in this relationship?

This question is one that you should ask your partner after you have answered Question One. Truth is most of us would really be surprised that what we think our partner wants is not what they want at all. It may be on the list but far at the bottom of the page. We may even be embarrassed that the unique thing we claim to give our partner and relationship/marriage doesn’t really mean much to our partner as much as we thought. I know this first hand.

Now, it is easy to forget their answers because it wouldn’t clique, that is why I advice you get a note and jot down their answers. Yes, I have a note book for my relationship where I write down key things about bae and us that I don’t want to forget because some things don’t seem to easily register in my mind. Example: best colour (how does that affect my economy?).

Before I ask the last question, let me give an example of what I am saying. I thought the unique thing I offered bae was the freedom to be herself. I was shocked when she gave her answers. They were so far off (sort of) from what I thought that I was like “wetin I be dey think sef?” In fact, her answer made me add the last questions to this topic and class:

  1. What do I think my partner wants from our marriage?

and

  1. Dearie, what do you want and what are your expectations of/from our marriage?

In our first class this term, the first question we asked ourselves was “why do I want to get married?” Asking yourself Question Three of this class/blog would help you define why you want to get married in the first place. Question Four would help you know why your partner wanted to get married in the first place. It would also help you know, in conjunction to the answer to Question Two, what your partner really want from you.

So go and answer these questions and better your romance. Remember this is our year of Upgrade and Update. Don’t allow your relationship to be like some devices that can’t take some applications or use others effectively because the Operating System is outdated.

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee:  The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee:  The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace. Numbers 6:24-26 KJV

“Yes indeed, it won’t be long now.” God’s Decree. “Things are going to happen so fast your head will swim, one thing fast on the heels of the other. You won’t be able to keep up. Everything will be happening at once—and everywhere you look, blessings! Blessings like wine pouring off the mountains and hills. I’ll make everything right again for my people….” God, your God, says so. Amos 9:13-15 MSG

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation)

My name is Earl, and I am Alright.

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You guys rock!

Photo Model: Pastor Donna Smiley-Young and Leo