HAVE YOU TOLD HER?

 My mom always wanted things to work, very fast, no dulling, not time wasting; precious time. So she made many major decisions (that affected us all, especially or father, her husband) solo.

The issue was not that the decisions were bad or not beneficial to us all, no, but that it was done solo; made alone. It did cause some issues between the couple but thank God it never became a fight, not of words or fist. Did it cause any cold wall – the silence treatment thing between them? I don’t think so. If it did, it must have been so hidden from us the kids and definitely didn’t last hours.

Truth is, dad would have preferred she consulted with him first. Then, as a team, they both would have agreed to it. I learned, not from them alone, but from other relationships and marriages to always talk about it first with her, my partner.

I’m not woman wrapper. Besides sef, if I don’t be my woman’s wrapper, who will be her wrapper and cover her? And whose wrapper would I be.

I don’t want to suffer the emotional coldness I’ve seen and heard others suffer in their relationships. I have and I am still learning. Unless it’s a surprise, once it affects our relationship or majorly affects me, I talk about it first, with her. Are there emergencies that I’ve to make such decisions alone? I don’t think so – my phone is just inches away.

Good evening from Nigeria (good people, great nation) and welcome to the #AlrightsPassion Tuesday’s Social Media hangout. Today’s edition is part of HOW TO BE LIKE GOD IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP which is geared towards bettering our romantic relationship by studying God. Yes, by studying the relationship the Trinity has within itself and the one they jointly and severally share with us.

The Alright’s Passion MISSION is helping teens, singles and married with sex and relationship issues through diverse means. While our VISION is providing Christian counseling for teens, singles and married on sex and relationships.

Many times in the New Testament, Jesus already knowing what He would say or do still consulted with His disciples. You may want to see all of Mathew, Mark, Luke and John again. The Old Testament is filled with God telling the world what He will or was doing. Why all these stress? Simple; because God wants His friends to be involved in the matter, the relationship. God even told Himself that He couldn’t make a major decision without His guy, Abraham, knowing about it. See Genesis 18:17-19 KJV

God is Almighty and sovereign but still He understands and respects friendship, relationship. Many times in the Bible, we see God asking questions needing answers, not just rhetoric.

A relationship is two way traffics. One person shouldn’t call all the shots no matter what. You may be the one making all the money and executing all the projects but that doesn’t mean you’re supposed to make all the decisions solo (alone).

The moment you agreed to that romantic relationship, you waived your rights to secrecy, “individuality”, “independence”, “privacy” and “exclusivity”.

I usually tell my friends that they can’t make a solo decision for me; that will make them the one running my life. Yes, you may talk me into following your decision, but truth is, none of us will enjoy your selfish self-centred-ness.

When in a relationship, always remember it’s now about “us” and no longer all about “me”. That should guide how you spend money, go to places and make other relationships.   Even if you are so sure your partner will eventually agree, do everything possible to talk about it first.

This is 2016 and your partner is just a WhatsApp, BBM, SMS, or phone call away. Don’t say there was no time. I know there may be times when you have to make the quick decision and response without discussing it with him/her first. But then, quickly confirm with your partner. In democratic governance, we call it ratification. Ratify your decisions and actions. Be like “Boo/Bae, I had to do this and that earlier in the day. Sorry I couldn’t gist about it with you first”.

Just ensure your partner feels involved and relevant in your life and in the relationship. That’s love.

When your partner knows s/he is involved and relevant in your life and in the relationship, it builds trust. It builds love, respect, honour, responsibility, accountability and most especially, emotional security.

If God can take out time and respectfully do it to, and with man, why can’t you do it with your partner? It may be a little bit challenging if you’ve always been Mr/Miss Independent, but it will better your affair. You see, romantic relationships make us lose “ourselves” and “individuality” and “independence”. You are now two, no longer one! Even for those still single, know that you are now becoming One with your partner and not two different individuals.

I think it is low self-esteem and insecurity issues like past hurts that may hold you back. RECOVER! Stop being afraid. God has trusted people and they walked out on Him. He didn’t die. You won’t die too if you don’t kill yourself. Besides, it’s even dangerous to be with a person who isn’t accountable to another person like parent, pastor, or friend.

Let me stop here because I believe you get my gist. Be like God in your relationship. See Ephesians 5:1. Most of all, it is your relationship with Jesus that makes your other relationship(s) sweet.

Counseling at the #AlrightsPassion is free courtesy of our generous partners. God bless you peeps. Freely WhatsApp/Telegram me on 08125086798 or earlalright@gmail.com

My name is Earl, and I am Alright. Join me and other counsellors on #AlrightsPassion, every Tuesday, 6pm WAT.