HOW TO ENJOY A BREAKUP

 There are many relationships that would have worked if partners worked more at /on it consciously and deliberately. Some folks have broken-up just because one or both partners were just too lazy to make it work.

Some persons are romantically lazy on the excuse of “a broken relationship is better than a divorce.” Instead of giving the relationship what it needs and developing themselves for it, they just breakup.

While some persons have the bad habit of entering into wrong relationships, others enjoy breaking-up. They can’t boast of any relationship that lasted up to one year! They are so lazy in their soul (mind, emotions and will).

Just as we have formal and informal dating, we’ve formal and informal breakups.

Dating may simply be defined as a relationship between two people to consider marriage or not.

Dating is the act(s) and event(s) of two people enjoying exclusive romantic (not platonic) friendship. And such friendship is with marriage in view as to whether or not they can marry.

Dating is formal if one person asked out the other who agreed to the romantic, exclusive relationship. However, when they have exclusive romantic relationship, with asking out or not, it’s still dating.

In fact, “dating is any social activity in which you romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person’s (romantic) interest is (also) focused on you.” – Questions Young People Ask, Answers that Work

So, it’s immaterial whether he asked you out or not, and whether or not you said yes. Don’t get confused; double dating would mean having and building this interest on more than one person.

A formal breakup is when one partner communicates his/her loss of interest and discontinuance of the relationship. This communication (solo or mutual), terminates the affair. An informal breakup is where and when the relationship is terminated by one or either party. And such loss of romantic interest and discontinuance isn’t communicated to the other party.

Don’t get lost; I’m speaking on HOW TO ENJOY A BREAKUP. My name is Earl, and I am Alright. Welcome to the #AlrightsPassion Tuesday’s Social Media Hang Out and our #PrayingTuesday for your love-life too. The #AlrightsPassion is “helping young people with sex and relationship issues through diverse means.” We do this through a network of sex and relationship Christian counsellors around the world.

There are many godly grounds on which a party or both partners can terminate an affair. I’ve shared that before and will give you the link to WHEN SHOULD I WALK OUT FROM A RELATIONSHIP later.

However, whether you’re the one doing it or not, a breakup is like a mini death; a semi-divorce. Ah ha, I remember “breaking up is never easy I know…, knowing me knowing you is the best I can do.” Forgive me, I still get to remember “Knowing me, knowing you” by ABBA a lot.

As a counselor over the years, I have seen many counselees go through breakups and divorce. Today, I wish to share with you the things that help my counselees which will also help you.

A breakup could either be your fault, that of your partner or that of both parties.

Let’s be sincere, a breakup could be because of you not being good enough or because you were just being whack.

However, no matter whose fault it was, is, or will be, today’s lesson would help greatly. And even if you’re the one that ended the relationship, you aren’t immune to the “depression” of/from it. Worse is if you were the one broken-up with. That kain thing dey pain ehn! Chai, sorry.

It’s most painful when your ego feels you ought to be the one who would have done it and not him/her. This is most especially when you had more reasons to breakup but still managed the relationship.

A breakup has a way it eliminates joy and leaves the emotions blank with the mind full of confused thoughts. Thoughts like “what happened?”, “who’ll love me again?” etc. It’s okay for you to deny it, wishing “this can’t be true, s/he will change his/her mind.”  The reality is that they seldom change their minds as the breakup wasn’t an overnight thought.

You’ll most likely get angry for entering the relationship in the first place and staying for stay in it that long in it. And surely, you’ll most likely get depressed for losing “a loved one”, the attention, feelings, securities, etc. And gratefully to God, you’ll come to accepting the reality of it; of not being able to get back already spilled milk. So, you’ll go through the stages of 1. Denial. 2. Anger. 3. Depression and 4. Acceptance. I hope you reach stage four (4).

Now, this is HOW TO ENJOY a BREAK-UP! Follow me closely, abeg.

I always tell people that time heal all wounds including emotional ones like romantic breakups. However, proper medication (counselling) is needed to prevent infection and reduce the pain. Your sore needs dressing! But before you seek a doctor’s attention (counselling), reach out for the First Aid Box!

Cry if possible. Allow yourself to grieve. When David lost his wives and kids, He cried! Job cried too. Jacob was vexed (Gen 29:25) and Samson became mad (Judges 14 and 15). Trust me, crying is a wonderful antidote. It relieves. It compensates sort of. See Psalm 6:6 NLT.

Don’t start forming emotional superman o. it won’t pay you. Experiences of others say “it won’t pay you!” Focus on your emotional, mental and physical health. Take this seriously.

This isn’t the time to start watching romantic movies, listening to blues or seeing Happily Never After. Exercise. Eat well; don’t skip meals or eat junks. Yes, you’ll lose appetite but force yourself to eat! Remember that your body and brain need food to function properly; don’t starve them!

Avoid love songs. See comedies. Focus more on what could make you laugh. Avoid alcohol and drugs. Don’t abuse medications. You may be tempted to take pain killers and sleeping pills. Seek medical advice on them.

Sedatives and alcohol may appear appealing and desired. But wise up, they don’t work. They don’t help. All these substances have a habit of expiring before your pain and depressions do, making matters worse.

Don’t isolate yourself. Always be in the company of family and friends; lovely, loving ones. Not those that will make you feel more terrible about the breakup, about entering the relationship in the 1st place.

Don’t forget that we are talking about HOW TO ENJOY a BREAKUP with me #EarlAlright on #AlrightsPasion.

Keep on doing what interests you. Learn a new skill, art, craft. Travel. Go out. Meet people. Talk. Remove (not destroy) everything including pictures that reminds you of your misery, your ex.

Gist with God. Others call it prayer. I call it telling God how I feel and what I want; listening to Him too. This may not be easy most especially if your heart and head didn’t first agree on/to the relationship. Most especially when you had no peace about it in the first place and family and friends complained too. Most especially if you offended family, friends and maybe God, had sex, aborted, treated STI, etc.

Hey, GOD LOVES YOU STILL. Don’t forget about the story of the (former) Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). Don’t forget the story of the babe at Jacob’s well and the other one at Jesus’ feet. God heals and mends broken hearts (Ps 147:20). He doesn’t judge or condemn those who need Him. That’s why I say it’s your relationship with Jesus that makes your romantic relationship and life sweet.

I pray healing on your soul and body in Jesus name. I declare You whole too.

Counselling with any counselor is fun (with our Network spreading across the world). WhatsApp 08125086798 or earlalright@gmail.com or www.alrightspassion.wordpress.co

Before you leave, read

WHEN CAN I WALK OUT FROM A RELATIONSHIP?

SHE NEVER DID SAY SO

Have a great night. You rock! God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation)