HOW TO ENJOY A CROSS-CULTURAL RELATIONSHIP


 Romance is fun, big fun, but that’s when you learn to, and actually do it well. Trust me, no two people were destined for a great relationship. People make relationship work. If the two people involved do not do anything deliberate to make it work, it won’t work. However, if the two people, choose to consciously and deliberately make it work, even the gate of hell can’t prevail against it.

I don’t believe the ancient (wrong ideological) saying that “whatever will be, will be” because it isn’t logical. It doesn’t pass the test of reasonableness. Believing the saying is equal to believing that if I didn’t go to school to receive formal education to become a lawyer, I would still have become a lawyer as long as I am “destined” to be one. That’s such a massive lie.

Truth is, we Africans have a similar nonsensical saying of “the yam that will get burnt will get burnt; boiled, fried or roasted.” Lord have mercy! I can’t believe your fore-fathers believed that rubbish and you also apply the belief to your everyday life too.

See ehn, there wasn’t, isn’t and there won’t be a relationship or marriage that was made or meant to work. Any and every relationship or marriage that works, thrives and is successful is because both parties chose deliberately to make it work. It takes two people to have a great relationship/marriage but it takes one weakling to make it crumble like a pack of cards. Your love life isn’t dominos, friends. Let it be like the tower of Babel.

Yes, let it be like the walls of Jericho that no army could pull down. Let it be a union that if and should it crumble, it will only be because God did it, just like  He did to the walls of Jericho and the Tower of Babel. And guess what? God is the biggest fan, supporter, cheer-leader and sponsor of marriage. He loves and enjoys seeing a godly relationship and marriage work. And just in case you didn’t know, if two of you decide on anything, the devil can’t stand against you! The story of the tower of Babel is instructive here:

“”Look!” He (God) said. The people are united, and they all speak the same language. After this, nothing they set out to do will be impossible for them! Come, let’s go down and confuse the people with different languages. Then they won’t be able to understand each other.”” –Genesis 11:6-7 (NLT).

 In the above scripture, God confessed that it was almost impossible to stop two or more people who agree to do something. In fact, God said NOTHING THEY SET OUT TO DO WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM! Other versions say nothing will be able to stop them and that nothing” includes Lucifer.

So stop believing that the relationship failed because some in-laws, friends, or witches worked against it. In my years of counselling, I have come to realise that the biggest enemy of godly relationships isn’t (funny enough) the devil, but the two persons involved.

The Bible calls some evils the works of the flesh and these are them according to Galatians 5 from verse 19 (NLT):

Sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarrelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, decision, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins like these.

Check out the list and tell me if you know anything that destroys relationships and marriages that isn’t listed here. Check again and you will see that there is none. And the interesting thing is that the Bible says they are the works of the flesh, our bodies, our minds (not the works of the devil).

So to enjoy a relationship, most especially a cross-cultural one, you have to be deliberate about it. Both persons ought to, by duty and loyalty, be deliberate about making it work. God may do the match-making and design, but you guys are the technicians and factory people that would make that design come to life. If you do anything contrary to the design, the outcome, the final product, can’t be in line with the design.

You last relationship or marriage didn’t fail because you guys had irreconcilable differences but because you guys chose those issues to be differences that are irreconcilable. It was your decision. The relationship didn’t end because he was Fulani and you were Ibibio, but because you guys couldn’t blend your unique, amazing differences into a beautiful romance. Yes, romance doesn’t know race or age or societal and academic status but the maturity of the hearts involved.

Whoops, I have talked so much and so long that I am yet to even start telling you HOW TO ENJOY A CROSS-CULTURAL RELATIONSHIP. However, I think someone, maybe you, needed all that I have said thus far. So if your relationship fails, don’t blame the culture or tribe, blame the individuals.

Let’s rock and roll.

First things first

 A. All Ibos Aren’t the same.

Forgive me that I used the Igbo tribe of Nigeria as my example here. Maybe it’s because I used to be seriously drawn and attracted to Ibo girls. In fact, my family thought I would marry one. I wanted to, too. But I changed my mind. Hahahahaha. However it wasn’t because of tribal issues though.

There are many things you should take into consideration when relating with any person, whether or not it is a romantic or business relationship. There are rules in understanding, relating and enjoying people, and social (what I call cultural) intelligence is one of those key things. However, before I focus on cultural intelligence, let’s see some of the things you should focus on to enjoy your boo/bae of another tribe.

1. Understand the personality of your cross-cultural boo/bae.

This is a set of qualities that make a person (or thing) distinct from another, an assumed role or manner of behaviour. So find that of your intended boo/bae

2. Understand the family background of your partner.

Remember these rules don’t only apply to cross-cultural relationships but also to same culture/tribe relationships. Is your partner from a monogamous or polygamous family? Is divorce or adultery an element in his or her family? What religious beliefs and practices do his or her family have?

Believe it or not, this background plays a big role in how your partner would behave in the relationship. Now, it doesn’t mean that boo/bae is bad or that he or she is like his or her family. No, but understand that his or her personality is born from such background which will subconsciously influence many decisions and behaviours in your relationship.

3. Understand the temperament of your partner.

Mhen, it would be unfair of you to expect me to explain the temperaments here. I advise you go read “Why Opposite Attracts”, “Spirit Controlled Temperament” and “Why You Act the Way You Do” all by Tim LaHaye. It isn’t only necessary to understand their primary temperament but to also understand their secondary temperament and the mixture of them all and how that mixture plus your mixture ought to relate. You may also want to read “Opposites attract” by Carl Hampsch

4. Understand the sex and gender of your partner.

The popular book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is obviously not in the library of many young people and even those who have it don’t seem to understand it either. It’s actually out of place for you as a man, a male, to expect your bae to behave and respond like a man, a male. Yeah, I know I am using two different things here (“man” and “male”) and it may sound a little bit confusing for those who have forgotten Social Studies in primary and junior secondary schools. Hahahaha. Male and female refer to the sexes, that is, the biological components and make-up that makes one person a male and the other a female. And this is based on our reproductive system. While man or woman refers to the genders, the socio-cultural roles and duties assigned to the sexes.

5. Understand the birth-order connection of your partner.

Many persons do not understand the birth-order connection. In fact, some have never heard about it but this is also one of the major things that determines your personality and how you respond in a relationship.

Eg. I am the first born and first son of my family and that put lots of responsibility and honour on my shoulders culturally. I am not only the first born, first son, I am older than 5 boys and 1 girl, which means, I know how to instruct, direct, lead, dictate, relate and connect with boys more naturally than with girls. What that also means is that I grew up giving others instructions, having other siblings accountable to me rather than to them.

How does that apply to my relationship? It means that I would always want to direct, instruct, and relate with bae as if she was one of my younger siblings. Not just a younger female sibling, but possibly like a younger male sibling. Now, bae, although she is also a kinda first-born, however grew up with her maternal family where she was the (far) youngest person enjoying all the attention, love, care and also stress (errand sending, controlling) that last borns face with their older siblings. How does this apply in her relationship with me? She would always want to, and feel comfortable been directed, controlled and also cared for like a last born.

According to the theory, bae doesn’t find it an issue if I ask her to do 9 out of 10 things why I do just 1. She would see it as “natural” because her “older siblings” treated her that way too. She would not also feel it awkward to take my things and place some demands on me because that is what she has been used to all her life. Now, imagine if she was an “original” first born having younger siblings like I do under her leadership and control, we would obviously be having two captains in our relationship boat. So it is good for you to first ascertain what is your partner’s birth-order in his or her family. Understanding that would help you relate with him or her perfectly.

This principle is what has helped me the most in living with roommates and house mates over the years. I have lived with a first son who tried playing an elder brother to me. It was annoying-weird at first. This was because while he was only older than two and younger to one, I, on the other hand, was older than 7 and younger to nobody!

6. Understand your partner’s love languages.

Yes, I was deliberate when I said “languages” because it isn’t all about speaking the primary but also speaking the secondary, and tertiary and etc love languages of your partner. Your partner could just be as delicate as I am. Speaking my primary love language alone without mixing it with the secondary one is interpreted as abuse, and taking undue advantage of me in my head. And that ain’t love.

7. Understand your partner’s religious and educational orientation

Padi me, this is big. Don’t joke with it or it will mess up your relationship big time. What is a Christ Embassy Girl doing with a Deeper Life Boy? Okay, don’t get me wrong, they can romance but that would be very challenging because our religious and academic orientations influences our decisions big time for they determine our mind-set about things and issues. Hey, are you a member of Daystar Christian Centre and wishes to date a Cele? Be ready to fully understand the other person’s religious orientations and practices. Don’t just understand it, accept it and support it if you want your relationship to work. Understand the profession and career of your partner and relate with him or her from that basic background understanding.

This is where this sub-title (all Igbos aren’t the same) comes from. The fact that you met one Ishan girl when in school doesn’t mean that the Ishan girl in your office or church would be the same in character, personality, orientation, temperament and birth-order connection with the other girl. All Esan people aren’t the same. Esau and Jacob, different in every elemental make-up were by the same parents. If you want to enjoy your boo/bae, friend, relate to and with him or her as a unique and separate individual and not in a generic sense of “all Igbos are the same.”

THEN

B. Know the tribe

Maybe I would have titled this HOW TO ENJOY AN INTER-TRIBAL RELATIONSHIP. Just maybe. I think my title of HOW TO ENJOY A CROSS-CULTURAL RELATIONSHIP is still good enough. Oh, you don’t like good enough, you prefer best, right? Eh yah, doh.

The reason why most cross-cultural (inter-tribal) relationships fail is because the Urhobo dude wants to date the Yoruba girl with the Urhobo relationship and marriage principles. Bad. Very bad.

Never forget some basic things in a cross-cultural relationship. They are important. They are very key. Very key!

1. Understand your partner’s tradition, custom and values.

I was born Bendel and grew up Edo. We are called South-South and Niger-Deltans and that’s fine. However, other Nigeria peoples (regions), think that we are rude, unmannerly and not courteous and truth is, we get shocked when they refer to us like that. I live in Ibadan and I have seen a practice that Edo-Deltans may call “amebo” and that is the culture of greeting everybody you see. It doesn’t make any sense to my default self and setting. I have had many people in different offices attack me for not greeting them, walking past them into another office. I immediately express my rude surprise. These guys were outside gisting. I know where I am going to and who I am going to meet and I know that the person isn’t presently with them, but yet, they still want me to stop-by and still spend some time, saluting them. What the heck? Na so I get time, shuu?

It doesn’t make sense according to my tradition for me to exchange pleasantry with a person I don’t like or a person I have issues with even if the person is older than my grandfather. The slang “on your own” makes more sense amongst us than any other peoples of Nigeria. Mind your life and business. But I get shocked when I see a Yoruba man gossip about a person he prostrated to salute some seconds ago. I don’t get it! I don’t get why when I visit a Tiv family, they try to compel me to eat, even at the death of an under 18!

Culture shock is real but friend, to enjoy your relationship, you need to know, understand and relate with your partner and her people/friends based on their own tradition, custom and values and not based on yours. When relating with your own buddies, apply your custom, but when dealing with his/her people, take his or are culture into consideration. Don’t you dare down-play it abeg.

2. Understand what marriage and family means in her custom.

I have considered some tribes in this country Nigeria and thank God that thus far, I have lived in four out of six geo-political zones of this country and I come from a state that has more than 10 languages divided into 3 major groups; the Binis, the Esans and the Afemais and other sub-groups like the Etsakos, the Akoko-Edos, the Owans etc. I have paid particular attentions to other tribes and realise that the Urobos and Esans have similar customs and traditions when it comes to marriage and relationships. Therefore, they would ordinarily have no cultural issues per se in marrying each other compared to other cross-cultural marriages.

A people always define what marriage and family means and how it should run and operate. Pay attention to what his or her tribe has to say about marriage and family.

3. How do they define “respect”?

Don’t joke with this. What respect is to a Deltan is far different from what it means to an Oyo man, so also it is different from what it means to the Tiv lady and or Igbira guy. Understanding what they take offensive or courteous would help you not only relate with boo/bae properly but also relate well with the people that matter to him or her (her family, kinsmen and friends).

There is a way they talk; answer questions, ask questions, comment and make statements. There is a way they greet and address different age-grades. Honour and respect that if you are interested in having a great cross-cultural relationship.

4. What’s their take on sex, money, kids and in-laws?

Friend, don’t joke on/with this oh as it is what would almost be present in your relationship, even all through marriage. The cultural orientation of your partner as to the place and role of sex, money and kids, including in-laws in a marriage is key. Very key.

I have seen some Nigeria customs that don’t have any issues with pre-marital sex (okay, whether your tribe sees it as okay or immoral, God sees it as not just wrong or immoral, but as sin when you have pre or extra marital sex of any kind or form). Most cultures in Nigeria take children, most especially male children as more important than wives. One in particular, feels that a kid who was born to the family is more superior to you a wife who was married into the family later. I ordinarily don’t agree with this orientation and practice. However, this is it, whether I agree or not is immaterial now, that is their custom. Can you do something about unreasonable traditions? Yes you can. Follow me and I will show you just how. E.g, in my father’s nucleus family of which I am part of, a spouse is more important than a parent or sibling and this right is extended as a privilege to even a fiancé(e). What this means is that, it is very okay for me to choose, prefer and esteem bae more important than my biological sister and to consider bae first before dad and mom. That may sound weird, but the strength and romance of the marriages of the family shows that it makes sense to do so. Besides, that’s God’s pattern and order too.

5. what are their gender roles?

My guy, babe, it would be foolishness for you to think that because in your, tribe men don’t cook, therefore, it will be black and white like that in her tribe too. That mind-set is erroneous and well out of place when you remember that Nigeria has about 400 ethnic groups and your tribe is just one while boo’s/bae’s tribe is another one. Get your thinking straight.

I know tribes in Nigeria where it is the woman that is the breadwinner and the man is the “ceremonial head of state, the family and resource control administrator.” Are you shocked? Nah, don’t be. It is so in a Lion’s pride. The lioness does the hunting, but the Lion comes, eats his share first before others can continue with the meal. And what’s the work of the giant male with all his mane? Simple; to defend the pride, mate the females and hunt down a prey that has proved impossible for the lionesses to kill. So the next time you say you want your man to be a king, the Lion of your tribe of “Judah”, remember that kings don’t grow food or do domestic chores or go to the market. They are either on their throne ruling, administrating or in the battle field, leading. Hahahahahahahaha (somebody will break my head oh. Please don’t.) hahahahahaha

Remember that when we talk about gender-roles, we are talking about societal assigned roles to the different sexes. So you have to ensure that you fully understand what are the gender (domestic, family) roles of your partner according to his/her tribes. To some tribes, it is so out of place to find a man in the kitchen. It is even wrong for the man to touch the cooking pot or utensils of the wife. Whereas, in some other cultures, still in this same country, it is the duty of sons to pound yam and do some other chores.

Now, if you don’t understand this, you would be expecting your partner to fulfil some obligations for you while she/he would find it so out of place for you to have such expectations.

6. Get ready to fulfil all their godly traditions

This is where some Christians and so-called educated people get it so, so wrong. The “I too know” attitude won’t help your romance. It would just make your partner have some resentment and that isn’t good for the romance of your relationship. Oh, I have been using the word “romance” ever since and I hope you fully understand what it means. Simple, ROMANCE is doing and saying what makes your partner feel loved, wanted, accepted and cherished unconditionally. Accordingly, the calls, visits, outings, sms, chats, gift exchanging, etc, that happens in your relationship is defined as romance. I get, you are confusing romance with sexual activities, right? Nah, romance MAY contain sexual activities but does not really mean sexual activities like smooching, fondling of genitals, caressing etc. You may want to confirm from a dictionary. Hehehehe.

There are many things Jesus did in the Bible, eg, allowing John De Baptist, a lower and inferior person to Him, baptize Him just because Jesus wanted to fulfil the law, the Scriptures, and not necessarily because it was “proper”. There were many things Jesus wished to do but because of the Jewish custom, He didn’t do them in order not to offend anyone. Remember the biggest problem Paul had with Jewish believers was because they wanted to adopt Jewish customs of circumcision, ceremonial washing etc into Christian practice and to Him, in Christ, there is neither Jew or Roman, Free or slave, male or female (mind you, not man or woman; remember the difference between the sexes and the gender), etc.

So it is well in place and proper for you to fulfil your boo/bae’s custom when it comes to dating and marriage. It may really be strange, but as long as it doesn’t violate godly principles, it is okay. Let me give you a simple example. According to my bae’s tribe, a suitor, groom, does two introductions. The first is to seek permission from the lady’s family to DATE her and the second is to claim acceptance and love for her after the dating period and the desire to now marry her. So the second introduction is to say we have dated her and we find her suitable for us. Here we are and we want to MARRY your daughter. Guess what? More than one family can do the first introduction. Until the second introduction is done, the girl and her family are still open to suitors. This may sound so strange to you, but what would you say about traditions like the Esan and Idoma were you return the corpse of a woman to her father’s family? It’s just tradition.

To us Esan, we don’t “sell of” our daughters. We “lease” them out. She is given to you to have kids for you, cook for you and do your domestic chores. The lease expires when she dies. In death, she belongs to her family where she came from. Is this godly? Uhm, let’s see: Marriage is “till death do we part” which means there is no marriage after death. What it means is that death automatically and absolutely dissolves a marriage. If then, a wife dies, do you still claim she is your wife in death? And if she is no longer you wife, which family does she now belong to? Obviously her father’s.

Some cultures could sound very stupid from a facial examination unless you look beyond the skin of the custom. E.g. why should I receive beatings as if it is SEGA game lutendo brutality just because I want to marry a Fulani girl? Why? Hehehehehehe. These are just customs and traditions. If you want to marry him or her, please, as long as the custom is godly, fulfil all of it. Be like Jesus who did some things not because they were expedient but just to fulfil the scriptures and the laws of the Jews. Did you realise that although Jesus seriously disliked the rules and practices of the Pharisees, He didn’t “break” any? During His trial before Herod and Pilate respectively, Jesus the “rebel” and “revolutionist” wasn’t found guilty of one offense!

You definitely want your bae to be happy and excited about her traditional marriage and be proud to flaunt her boo to her family, friends and people. You definitely want your boo to be proud of you before his people, right? Fulfil their godly customs and traditions.

THEN lastly on this topic today

C. Blend the cultures

1. man, know thy self

Whoever said “man, know thy self” wasn’t a fool. If you want to enjoy a cross-cultural relationship and marriage, you must first learn to blend the different cultures. But how do you blend the cultures when you don’t first know and understand your own culture and that of your partner? How?

You must fully know and understand and be well grounded in both cultures to be well able to rightly divide the truth and come up with a beautiful romantic blend for your relationship. What stood Jesus and Apostle Paul out in all of the Bible? Simple total knowledge of Jewish custom and God’s actual requirements of the law and the proper application in daily life! Nothing more. That is why we at the Alright’s Passion make deliberate efforts to teach Biblical and academic truth that is culturally relevant. It is beyond teaching truth but teaching it’s relevancy to the common man sitting under an almond tree in his village.

The Bible says and none could stand the wisdom with which Stephen spoke. Friend, get wisdom. Get knowledge for even God “lamented” that His people perish because of lack of knowledge.

2. Never ever talk down your partner’s tribe

Never! Unless maybe you are tired of the relationship and want an easy and cheap way out. It is insulting, disrespectful and arrogant to out-rightly condemn a practice of your partner’s people. Yes, it is okay not to agree with the practice, but the Bible advises that we speak the truth in love. Rather than TELL your partner, SHOW him/her how that particular practice or tradition is wrong, ungodly and repugnant to natural justice. Take time, make efforts to clearly and simply explain your opinion about it to your partner.

3. It’s a joint venture, a partnership

See ehn, friend, your relationship is “our relationship” and not just “my” or “his/her” relationship. The term “our” means that you have to always consider the input, take and opinion of your partner, always! So, in line with this, there are some good things about your culture that you would have to drop and let go just for your relationship to work and be romantic. You have to stop being stereotype. Stop being mechanical. Stop being black and white when it comes to customs and traditions. Truth is, it is better to be grey (a mixture of black and white). It is better to be on the fence, or better still, in the middle of the road than be one-sided.

Sacrifice is about given-up what is important to you just to make your partner happy and make your relationship work. This is about your (our) relationship, so stop being selfish and self-centered. That is anti-romantic. The Bible says, love thinketh not of its own self. It doesn’t demand its own way. It isn’t irritable (1Corinthians 13:4-6).

Stop demanding your own way in your relationship. And stop that nonsense saying that “this is how we do it”. Simple question: who is WE? Because the last time I checked ehn, WE was you and your partner. If your partner isn’t agreeing or doing it, stop saying “this is how WE do it”. It is obviously how YOU do it.

You and your partner ought to come to a compromise. You guys should have your own customs and traditions. I come from a great family. And I have a beautiful family and marriage heritage from my grandparents and parents. People come to study how my father’s family and marriage runs just to have theirs. Mom died and dad remarried. Psychologically, it takes 8 to 11 years for a step-family to adjust and blend into each other. My step family took less than one month to blend! Yes all the glory belong to God, but God worked through and with people who allowed Him to work through and with them! However, there are still things in my father’s marriage and family that I don’t want in my own.

So, forget what your people say and how they do it. When it comes to your romance, you and your partner should create your own custom and tradition for your relationship and marriage. It will be challenging and demanding but that is what dating is for. Stop touchy-touching each other and TALK! PLAN! AGREE! DECIDE! Make your own custom and tradition. That is the one that matters. And lastly before I leave here

4. Make the Bible the grand norm

See, abeg, if you don’t understand the Bible, look for someone who does to explain it to you. Find good Christian books and read. Oh, I just remembered that you may not be a Christian, so imposing my religious beliefs and faith on you may not be called for, right? Okay o. But in my 12years plus of sex and relationship counselling, I have come to realise that it is actually your relationship with Jesus that makes your romantic relationship sweet. I have studied many religions and cultures on the subject of sex and relationship and I can boldly declare that even if you choose to remove God from the equation, no other people, person or book have better romantic relationship principles than the Bible. And hey, don’t get it wrong, be able to know the difference between Jewish matrimonial principles and Christian romantic principles because you will find both of them in the Bible and think that they are one and the same.

So when it comes to making the rules and guidelines for your relationship and marriage, let the Bible be the oga law-maker. Once there is anything, any practice or tradition from your tribe, church, or academic qualifications that is at variance, opposite of what the Bible says concerning sex and relationship, love, romance and marriage, throw away that thing or ideology fast and embrace what God says. I am not telling you this because I am a minister, but because I am Esan (you call us Ishan), a male, a man, a lawyer and a counsellor who has helped thousands of persons over the years. So I am talking from knowledge, and “experience” too. Besides, I am engaged to a Tiv Black-Gold.

Now, I want to give you one very important advice, when seeking counselling, ensure the counsellor is knowledgeable and very balanced. Hey, the fact that a person is a pastor or a counsellor doesn’t mean the person can properly handle your romantic issues. Even with all my years and experience in counselling, there are still many sex, relationship and marriage issues that I refer to other counsellors who are more skilled, knowledgeable and balanced in that particular area/issue.

The truth is that most times, some of us counsellors, because we are humans too, also allow our cultural background to influence our counselling instead of disconnecting from our background and plugging ourselves to yours. Eg. how do you expect a Yoruba pastor from Ondo, who schooled in Ife, and is currently pastoring in Ogun and married another Yoruba lady he met in his campus fellowship (sharing the same cultural, educational and religious orientation) to be able to use his “marriage experience” to counsel you an Igala girl who wants to marry a Bassa man? Did I mention that your pastor was posted for NYSC in kwara and he worked it to Lagos and did his master in UI? Hehehehehe.

Your pastor is YORUBA and has experience in counselling Yoruba relationships and marriages. That’s why he can’t say 3 sentences without one being a Yoruba adage/parable. Unless he properly understands the Bible and is really balanced, he would do a poor counselling of a cross-cultural relationship because he would want to settle disputes like a Yoruba man, address sexual matters as a Yoruba man, handle in-laws like a Yoruba man etc. However, there are exceptions to men like this sha, but they are very few. And the only reason why they are so balanced is because they read very wide and allow the Bible be the grand norm in relationship and marriage counselling and not their orientations, ideologies or background.

Wow, this has been long mhen…. The bottom-line is simple, although not the all-in-all, the best way enjoy a cross-cultural relationship is to know that

  1. All Igbos aren’t the same
  2. Know your partner’s tribe, and
  3. Blend the cultures.

There are places and ways in which you can “ordinarily” learn how to do a cross-cultural relationship. Attend a uni-sex school or Federal Government schools or other secondary schools with boarding house facility, stay in campus hostel with roommates rather than renting a room somewhere off-camp, and enjoy NYSC. I advise that if you are still in school, do not “arrange” your roommates and don’t “work” your NYSC. If you live in your local community tribe, I “suggest” you attend a church where interpretation isn’t part of the service as such churches attract people from different tribes as against a church where interpretation is core.

Don’t forget that it is your relationship with Jesus that makes your romantic relationship sweet.

At the Alright’s Passion, we help young people with sex and relationship issues through diverse means with a network of counsellors. To join our free whatsapp group, The Romance Cafe, send a whatsapp message to Amaka +2318162254684

My name is Earl, and I am Alright. You rock!

 

***This was a Whatsapp group class on Mindshift Network, owned by Nike Adedokun.