Have you ever been in a relationship or are you presently in one and talking doesn’t come easy? Have you been in a situation where you finish saying everything you planned to rock the late-night calls/chats within just 7minutes? Hahaha. I have been there before, many times too many so I know firsthand how it feels and what you are going through. Well, I talk bae to sleep every night and on the average, our gist lasts for about an hour, thirty minutes every day, So perhaps, I could help you with this.

Someone said, and I agree that communication is the lubricant in the will of every relationship. Don’t worry, good communication skills aren’t actually a gift. It is a skill. The good thing about skills is that we all get to be able to learn the art and master the craft. That’s why we say it’s a skill; an acquired ability.

In the early years of my 12 years plus of sex and relationship counseling, I focused more on helping people with sexual issues while other counselors of the Alright’s Passion helped them with their relationship and marriage issues. A time came and I decided to also help people with their relationship and marriage issues and I realized that talking, gisting, chatting was a major challenge for many lovers romantically. Counsellees were always complaining that their partners weren’t talking or their chats were usually very boring. Well, it was shocking and surprising at first to me, a sex counsellor.

In sex counseling, the problem was that people were talking too much about sex and thereby drifting into telephone and cyber-sex. So the new complains I was attending to showed me that doing sex was actually easier than doing a relationship. People just want to do sex and not the mother of it all; relationship and marriage.

My relationship is a long distance one. I live in Ibadan and bae lives in Makurdi. I am into sex and relationship counseling and also practicing as a lawyer while bae is an early years educator. We live in two separate worlds in career and locations. However, I wasn’t caught off guard. I was prepared. I had learned that one way to talk for long was to, if possible, get a paper (you can do this on your mobile phone) and write down all the things you wanted to gist with your partner later in the day about–during you guys’ talking time.

Another way is to remember all you did during the day and start talking about it. I know this may not be easy for most ment. It is said that we have about 13 thousand words a day and for sanguines (like me), we may have about 15 thousand words. I am a lawyer and also a sex and relationship counselor and I am compelled to use more than 20 thousand words a day talking and writing. So it could really be challenging when bae who has about 20 to 23 thousand words a day still has about 10 thousand words remaining to just gist with me at the end of the day.

Thank God for an article I read on Yahoo a while ago by a teacher who was teaching parents on how to gist with their kids about school at home. She has a kid who also attends her school but another campus, so they don’t get to see during the day until she goes to pick her up. I stole the idea and adapted it for romantic relationships and it works.

Simple; when you come home or pick up that phone to call or chat, after exchanging pleasantries, continue by saying “today (as the case may be) was awesome…. Remember I left home at 7:30. I joined a cab from New-Garage to Mokola and there was this man that sat next to me that kept on complaining about the Government and Buhari. He was so passionate about his argument that I wondered if he was even a tax-payer.  But wait o, why we people just be expecting Buhari to do magic? Do they think that governance and change is easy? (trust me, your partner would say something, give a comment or in the least, make a gesticulation)”. Now, this is just an example.

Then continue: “I wasn’t concerned about the discussion. I was just concerned about the traffic in Challenge. Those Dangote trucks could be a mess, causing unnecessary hold-up, but thank God there wasn’t any wahala. I just wanted to get to the office before Oga and I made it.” Your partner would most likely contribute again. And you know what; don’t cut him/her, don’t interrupt. Gist the gist. Don’t be so quick or eager to want to say something. If your partner chooses to tabernacle on the issue of traffic, abeg, build you tent there.

Then you can continue with events in the office, your lunch time and meal, the clients you attended to, the feats, the loss, the everything. Gist about all the emotions you felt during the day. Did you feel fear, sadness, and happiness? Did you even feel horny at a particular time? Talk about all of them and what caused the feelings and how you were able to get over or sustain each feeling.

Your gist time with boo/bae isn’t church service or office time that has opening and closing hours. It only has an opening hours. The closing hour is when one partner is dozing off or need to sleep early in preparation for the next day.

If you follow this rule, you would hardly find a time that you and bae would just be quiet because you have nothing to say. Besides, there is always gist from even the whatsapp groups that you both belong to (or even if it is one party that belongs to it). So it’s in line to also gist about what happened on Facebook.

Did you liked a picture on twitter or a clip on Instagram? Talk about it. Talk so much about your day that at the end of the gist, your partner would have been like one that shared the day with you. I know calls are expensive and MTN has stopped Extra Cool, but there are still good and very cheap CUG offers (I use that of Etisalat and I have friends that are enjoying that of other Mobile Network service providers) that allows for unlimited calls throughout the month for just N600. Yeah, I hear Forcecom is Six Hundred Naira unless current economic realities have made them review it.

Besides, data calls are here!

Don’t be in a hurry to brush off a topic or issue. If you really follow this rule and principle for your talking time, you will realize that 2 hours isn’t even sufficient enough for both of you to talk about your day.

Remember that the entire gist I talked about is just your side of the day. So imagine that you are through with talking about your day and you then ask your partner “how was your own day? Gist me about it” how rich your communication and gisting time would be.

One day, I was seeing a movie and it was like I had seen it before. Not really. Bae saw the movie before me and was so good with the narration that it was as though I was actually seeing the movie.

I know a friend who would take notes in church and would, on Sunday nights, share everything the preacher preached in his church which his girl while she did the same. If you do this, your talking time could never be dry. Your talking time will always be rich and there would always be something to talk about even if you stayed at home all through the day (at least, one spider would have offended you. Hahahaha. Or you may have overcooked the indomie, or burnt the kettle. hahahaha).

Try it. If it works, let me know. If it doesn’t, also let me know.

My name is Earl and I am Alright. It’s your relationship with Jesus that makes your sex and romantic life sweet.

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation).

You Rock!

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