IT’S EMOTIONALLY RISKY

I think it is time we started thinking about not just only the positive and interesting outcomes of our romantic decisions but also the negative outcomes. Sometimes, we take too many venturesome, playing-with-fire, unsafe risks. Yes, I know it is risky not to take a risk, but if you are committed to and in a relationship, or a marriage, I suggest that you don’t take any risk that would jeopardize your relationship; a risk that is potent enough to destroy your relationship. One of such risks you should never consider is flirting or fanning-to-flame another person’s sexual attraction to you.

This is what I mean:

I have seen people in committed marriage-heading-relationships and yet, they get to a new city, or a new job or church and fail to disclose their (relationship) identity. Maybe they do, but there is this cute guy or babe that comes from nowhere-somewhere who automatically takes romantic interest in them, and they fail to make known their relationship/marriage status, thereby having some stardust in their eyes.

So she invites you to dinner; you go. He invites you for a date, you accept. She buys you gifts; that’s okay. He chats with you late into the early morning; you enjoy it, without allowing the person knowing directly, or by conduct, or some hints that you are not available. Well, you may call them friends with benefits, but mhen, you are taking a big emotional risk that would not only ruin your relationship/marriage but also this particular friendship you seem to be enjoying now.

What do you think would happen when your partner finds out that you are emotionally connected and attached to someone else in your city, office or social media? You would be found guilty of cheating.  What would happen if your friend with benefit finds out that you have been leading him/her on, making them feel that you were single and available, whereas, you are in a committed relationship/marriage? You would also be guilty of taking undue advantage of another and using them for your selfish interest.  And what do you think would happen when you find yourself now caught up emotionally between two persons, in love with two people at the same time and in a confused state of who to choose (when you are not Tony Tetula)? You would be in terrible emotional mess, a situation that would drain your strength on the job, relationship, friendship and everything around you.

Don’t get me wrong please

I don’t have a problem if you choose to consider 10 people in order for you to pick a mate from. You and are free can consider 20 other people sef.  However, remember that the more your options, the more your confusion too, as to who to choose. 

The issue I am addressing in this piece is not that you are considering A and B, but that you are already committed/married to A and yet, still enjoying emotional and romantic benefits from B.  It’s very risky.  I know some persons have entered such friendships with benefits, and were spoiling their partner with the monetary and non-monetary gifts they were getting.  Well, it always backfired by the time one party gets to know about it.

And even if it doesn’t backfire, it is cheating.  It is unfaithfulness.  Unfaithfulness isn’t only about sexual activities but also about romantic and emotional activities. It could also be considered unfaithfulness to your relationship and partner when your close family members, friends and colleagues don’t know about your relationship, thinking that you are single and available and giving you all the privileges of one with such status.  Yes, you may decide not to introduce a person you are still getting to know as your to-be spouse.  However, if you guys are already engaged to be married to each other, I believe it is proper that those close to you should know about it, including anyone who is making deliberate romantic and emotional moves to get your attention.

You don’t have to go through the stress of trying to convince a prospective romantic partner that you are already in a committed relationship and have no reason or justification to break-up. Save yourself the stress and wear your relationship or marriage. 

How do you wear your relationship/marriage? 

i. By allowing people to see you guys together;

ii. By always wearing your wedding/engagement rings;

iii. By having a passport photograph of your partner in your wallet;

iv. By having your partner’s photograph on your table;

v. By having many of your pictures together on your phone (even if you will not share your pictures together on social media in order to enjoy some privacies); and

vi. By using your picture (together) as your WhatsApp profile picture once in a while.

Don’t give yourself, your emotions and your sexuality an opportunity to cheat or be unfaithful. Don’t do it.

I remember this story. This dude was on this babe like kilode and she liked him too and planned saying yes to him on his birthday. So she 
My name is Earl, and I am Alright. 

You rock