(I wish I could make my blog posts more professional but that’s just a wish. I helped her with this answer on WhatsApp and feel you may need and like it. So ignore the English rules. Don’t worry, you would still get the gist)

She Said:
There is this relationship counsellor I follow on Facebook. I read one of her posts and was like I don’t understand. The post said that when you have done your traditional marriage and your boo is like I can’t wait, I want to have sex now, that she advised that the bae should just give him the way he wants it that as far as the dowry has been paid it is not a sin…. I can’t just understand.

My response:
The thing is simple. The Biblical right to have sex is marriage and the Bible didn’t specify which type or kind of marriage. So ordinarily, when you do your traditional marriage, you have the right to sex with your spouse, even under God. Ordinarily.

Now, this is where doctrine and culture meet and clash with principles. James said he that knows what is right and fails to do it, to that man, it is a sin, and we preach a gospel that is accurate to the Bible and culturally relevant at the #AlrightsPassion. So let’s see what the Bible says and what culture says too.

Paul never kicked against a culture that wasn’t against Christian principles and values. Let’s see if this culture of having sex before a church wedding but after a customary wedding is against Biblical Christian principles.

Before in Africa and other cultures of the world, the first sex in marriage was part of the traditional marriage rite/process under cultures where the virginity of the girl needed to be proved before the groom even takes the bride away from her father’s house as a wife. But now, we have accepted foreign cultures of church wedding (which isn’t a Biblical practice or principle) and we feel that until we do a church wedding, we aren’t yet truly and completely married.

In Nigeria, you have two types of marriages: The customary/Islamic marriage and the Statutory/church marriage. You are free to choose anyone you want to celebrate and still be deemed married. You can even choose to do two and for most churches that aren’t registered for marriages, you can do three (customary wedding, church wedding and statutory wedding). However, for anyone you elect, for that one to be deemed valid and properly done, you must adhere to the rules and principles of that particular election.

So if you choose to do traditional and statutory marriage (which is popularly known as Marriage Registry), you can have sex before the registry wedding because no to sex or virginity isn’t a prerequisite for the joining. Remember that traditionally, no sex and virginity before marriage are prerequisites. It’s just that nobody investigates about to Wed couples again and that particular value and virtue has been dropped off our customs. However, for statutory marriages, no such prerequisite is required.

Under most of our Nigeria customs, you can’t pay the bride price on a pregnant woman although you can present all the other gift items. You suspend the paying of the bride price until the lady has given birth.

Okay, what if you choose to do the customary and church weddings? Then you have to follow the rules of the particular church denomination. Does the church agree that you can have sex before a church wedding even after a customary wedding? I don’t know any church that agrees to that in Nigeria. They may not forbid the marriage if you guys have already started having sex before the church wedding. They only, however, do not approve of it.

May I mention that there are some churches that would not join a couple who has already been having sex. They would require the couple to stick to other forms of weddings other than the church wedding. I have heard of extreme cases where such a couple who have had sex before their wedding were asked to break-up. With all due respect, that is very dumb because this couple would break up and go marry someone else?

Now, having sex after your customary marriage but before your marriage registry is not sin, but when it is before your church wedding, and it violates the marriage rules and principles of your church, then it becomes wrong. He that knows what is right but fails to do it, to that man, James said, it is sin.

Jesus and Paul did many things in Bible days not because that if they didn’t do them it would have been sin but because If they did it, they would have wronged and offended religious laws. So although Paul said circumcision wasn’t necessary, in taking his protegees to Jerusalem, he circumcised them so that the Jews won’t pick an offense against him.

Jesus had condemned the Pharisees and Sadducee for duplicating and multiplying the laws but told his listeners to obey what the Pharisees said because they were the custodians of the law but that they shouldn’t do what the Pharisees did. So the bottom line of all I have said is that if you choose to do a church wedding and not a church blessing, then follow the rules of that church regarding church weddings. Shikenna

My name is Earl and I am Alright.

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IG: @theAlrightsPassion

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation).

You Rock!

(7) Comments

  1. Thanks for this biblical clarification dat ve puzzled most of us for so long. Now I know d truth abat biblical teachings on this age long debated and controversial topic. God bless u sir

  2. Thanks for this biblical clarification dat ve puzzled most of us for so long. Now I know d truth abat biblical teachings on this age long debated and controversial topic. God bless u sir

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for giving us a feedback.

      Well, it is not what the Bible says about it, but my thoughts about it. It was not a Biblical review or a Bible Study where, if it was, I would have pushed more.

  3. Please what if a couple has gone against the church rule already by having sex before the Church wedding. What should be done since this couple would still like to go on with the Church wedding.

  4. Please what if a couple has gone against the church rule already by having sex before the Church wedding. What should be done since this couple would still like to go on with the Church wedding.

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