Despite the simplicity of the topic, this seems like one of the most difficult task for me. Simple things can be complex at times.

Let me start by saying your perception of anything determines your definition and that definition determines your application. Sex and love are the most misused word in the 21st century. The way at which we inter-use them is a question begging for an answer.

The stories I’ve heard over the last 7 years have shaped the way I look at my audience when I speak. I have discovered that the average person in any group is most likely a person with hurts from his or her upbringing, environment or significant emotional experience. The reality of the happenings in the lives of an average person is enough to force us to admit that something is wrong with the way we are treating sex and love matters.

Mariam Jameelah, a Muslim scholar wrote “Never before in the history of man had the graph of moral degradation shown a rapid decline as in the 21st century”. Moral degradation has reached its peak and the sacred parts of man’s body are not considered sacred again. Moral responsibility has receded into insignificance.

Our nature has degenerated to a level which is shameful even for the beast. Our world is one where losing phone is more dramatic than losing virginity. We place values on materials than our lives. Indeed, we live in a sex saturated society.

Everything in the world advertises sex to us and we are buying it at the speed of light. We have heard and seen sex more than our fore-fathers. It’s either we know not much about it or we have deliberately perverted it.

Sex is not an event, it is a process. Events happen, sex does not just happen (unless you are a victim a rape).

Truly, sexual urge is an innate drive in man but today, unlawful satisfaction of this drive has become the vogue. Our 21st century concept of morality has undoubtedly resulted into high level of licentiousness, anarchy, ailing families and life bereft of decency.

Today, we want to test how sweet our burger is before we pay, forgetting that after a bite, the bite remains there forever. If you have to pay for a burger before eating or if you have to pay even after eating, why do we have sex countlessly without the intention of marriage? This tells me something – We place premium on edibles and materials than even on human lives.

Sex Is about Your Life

The lie that has been sold to us is “how do you know you are sexually compatible if you do not have sex before marriage?” But my question is “How many will you sleep with to know your sexual compatibility?”

Truth is, if you are compatible in every aspects of your life, you will be compatible sexually. You do not need a practice session in preparation for a performance when it comes to the issue of sex.

Sex is expected to be between two (sexually) inexperienced people in an environment of marriage.

Let’s Go Deep a Bit

Nowadays, when a man desires a woman, he sleeps with her and tomorrow says, “she lied about her virginity”. That is the newest way of getting out of a relationship. With this, he can then go and have sex with someone else and then opt out after getting what he wants.

Moses Amram, the first leader of the ancient Israeli nation shared something while speaking to his fellow countrymen about sex. He said “If a man sleeps with a woman…, he has to keep her as his wife and can never divorce her”. In the real sense, God does not want you to put away who you have had sex with. That is why He recommended it should be done only in marriage. Sex is not a love song, it does not need rehearsals. Just get married and perform in your matrimonial home.

Sex is designed by God for unity and expression of marital love. We can’t take intercourse lightly. It is a covenant–an act in marriage that joins two souls together. When a man enters into a woman, he has come to stay. Both of you are now one. Whoever has intercourse with you has deposited his or her life in you and vice versa.

“When you engage in intercourse with someone, your souls become entwined. Your emotions and thoughts take on the will of that person” – Juanita Bynum

“God has given us sex as a gift and it’s one to be thoroughly treasured, celebrated and enjoyed in marriage” – Gary Chapman

Sexual relationship is not supposed to be a cheap thrill but rather the uniting of two individuals within the boundaries of marriage. Drink water from your cistern (of pure marriage relationship) and fresh running waters of your own well. Quran 17:32 puts it aptly–And do not go near fornication, for it is an indecency and an evil way.

Until a lady/guy is declared yours by the reason of marriage, you have no right to his/her privates.

Paul of Tarsus addressing the Corinthian singles wrote: “But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married”. He further said that “the difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single”.

The quantity of sex does not make a relationship valid. It is the quality of the relationship that makes sex valid.

By the design of God, the legal way for the satisfaction of man’s sexual urge and also to prevent it from running wild is marriage. By getting married, you are licensed by God and man to have sex. Until then, guard your loins, close your laps and zip-up.

I recognize that some people are single and are already addicted to all kinds of sexual perversions – porn, masturbation, homosexuality, etc. Your first solution is recognizing and admitting that you have a problem, then solution can come. Every problem carry solutions at their back.

Over the years, I have been able to work with people with different stories of addiction, shameful past, abusive relationships, and sexual issues. Your own solution too can come faster than you can imagine. Opening up is the first healing process.

Your sexual life shapes who you are and who you will become
With this few points of mine, I believe I have been able to convince you that SEX DOES NOT NEED REHEARSALS because it is NOT A LOVE SONG.
Matthew ‘Femi-Adedoyin
for The Alright’s Passion