In my early years in counselling, I was at first shocked to realize that many people couldn’t seduce their spouse. They couldn’t make their spouse have sex with them when, where and how they wanted it. This gave me big concern and interest in finding a way to better things not only in the kitchen but also in the back seat of the car.

Oh, I know singles are following, but don’t worry. The best time to learn sex is now. There is a big difference between learning sex and rehearsing sex. Sex doesn’t need rehearsals. Learning sex is all about having true and balanced knowledge and orientation about sex; it is knowing what’s right and wrong and how to adapt yourself and personality to your spouse.

For singles, understanding the sex languages would help you make the right sexual decisions. Also, it will help you protect yourself from vulnerability and sexual predators. For the married, it would help you better your sex in the kitchen, parlour, other room and every other place where you choose to have sex.

I believe that there could be more sex languages or better still, more dialects.

However, what I want to share with you today happens to be the languages I have discovered thus far. I just developed them and categorized them in July 2016 and I already love the beautiful feedbacks are coming in.

Are you ready for this? Hahahaha. Let’s examine the 4 sex languages you need to learn. And don’t get this mixed up at all. It ain’t the same with the Love Languages.


Let’s start with what I call THE DIRTY TALK. I also call this TELL ME. Some persons get turned off when you start talking about sex, even when it’s their spouse that’s doing the gist. However, for some others, they like you talking dirty when it comes to sex. For this group of persons, they want you to say what you want to do, how you want to do it, and where. They want you to use your words to turn them on. They want you to paint pictures in their minds. Once they hear it, they crave for it and want it. These people actually like you talking when it’s happening. If you are single, and you are in this category, avoiding the dirty talk is your biggest NO to sex.

Yes, words, consistently turn everybody on. But for those in this group, one gist is enough to cause kasala. For the married, if you are in this group, it’s important you mind what people around you say. It’s important that you don’t expose yourself to sex gist, sex chats and the likes.

Dirty Talk is about really “dirty talk”. It is telling your spouse exactly what you desire or want to do. Examples are like “I so miss you and want to kiss you, and while kissing you, my hand will be….” Okay, let me stop this example here before I put your hormones through unnecessary stress today.


THE TOUCHY HAND comes next and it could also be called the REACH OUT TO ME LANGUAGE. Yeah, you know the love language of Quality Touch. This is very closely related to her.

Every person likes foreplay, ladies like it more extended, but these folks like you touching sexually. The way to ask them for sex is to reach out by touching, petting, stroking them. They hardly shove you off. They hardly do. They usually also don’t know when they start touching you sexually. Yes, some people don’t feel anything when you play with their fingers, but others may go gaga for it. To them, it’s not about loving them by touching. When they enjoy your touch, it is sex that comes to mind, not love, acceptance or calmness.

Dear single, save yourself the stress. A hand shake is enough. Sitting too close may be wahala sef. A peck ain’t a peck and holding hands may not just be holding hands if this is your sex language. Dear married, if this is your partner’s language, then you have to be deliberate about the sexual touches.


Let’s see the 3rd thing which I call THE NUDITY which I also call the SHOW ME sex language. Over the years, I have always met people who get surprised that nudity doesn’t appeal to me sexually. Before I started saving sex for marriage, my biggest turn off was the sight of a nude woman. So deep-cuts and minis don’t get my attention sexually. They rather turn me off than turn me on. I thought I was weird and started investigating, only to realize some persons are like me.

I have met ladies who 6packs turn off. Some also don’t want to see body hair. They don’t see men with beards or body hair as attractive. To the people under this sex language, the sight of skin or even body hair is a big turn on. They are particular about your underwear, and don’t mind if their spouse shows some skin in what they wear. They welcome their spouse wearing deep cuts, minis and transparent wears in public, even in Church. That’s their attraction. Unlike me, this group of people would like to come home and find you nude on the bed or sofa.

Dear married, if your spouse’s sex language is this, then you have to mind what you wear and also your skin tone. You just need to pay special attention to your stretch-marks. Dear single, if this is your sex language, learn to take your eyes off exposed sensitive skin.


The 4th and last sex language I have discovered thus far is THE HELPING HAND aka JOIN ME. These folks almost sound selfish and self-centered but they aren’t. It’s just what they enjoy. They like you helping them before, during and after sex.

They are sometimes raz because they go gaga a lot. They like the rough play before sex. They get excited when you join them scatter the room and parlour.

They would be very glad if there are water-guns in the house for play. Sometimes, they like getting tired from rough play before sex.

This group of people like you to help them undress, bath, arrange their hair etc.

They just want you to be doing something sexual around them and to them. In fact, I also call them the DO ME sex language group.

As singles, and in this group, mind who touches your dress or hair, trying to help you fix this or that. Married to one? Pay attention to how you join you partner get ready for sex.

I actually wish I could explain more and give many examples but I am still learning more about and on this to help you better. Just like the Love Languages, every person has and should speak all the 4 sex languages in marriage. However, it is important to speak your spouse’s sex language when you are the one needing sex. Speaking their sex language is one sure way to seduce him or her to satisfying you sexually.

I find it surprising that many people can’t make their spouse fall for them.

There is always something sexually irresistible in every person. Find your spouse’s own. Singles, know these languages now for the future and guard yours like madt.

Always remember that it is your relationship with Jesus that makes your sex and romantic life sweet.

God bless Nigeria (good people, great nation). You rock!

 Photo Credit: Pastor Atenibiaje Adebayo


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