This is that time of the year when I post things that make people wonder if I am truly saved and if I am really an ordained minister of the Gospel. But for those who doubt, I was not sent to you. The physician is sent to sick people, live our hospital since you are well. Although God hates divorce, because of the wickedness of the heart of man, He had to permit it to save lives and sanity.  Today, I want to save lives too.

Ehen, I know that Valentine is coming and some of you are already wondering how sweet and smashing your banging and strafing will be this February, and are planning like Celine Dion who “…drove all night to make love to you”.

But I take God beg una, if you know that you don’t plan to live chastely and that you do not see kissing, smooching or sex as something wrong as a single, or you see it as wrong but you have not been able to stop and you have not sought help on it, biko, please, ensure that on the 11th to 16th of February, you always have condom in your pockets, purses, house and car (including office sef). Yes, don’t be shy, take it to church too, at least, you do not intend saying NO to sex outside marriage, so why be shy about protecting and preserving your life.

I don’t want to hear that after you stupidly refused to take responsibility of your sexuality by saying NO to sex outside marriage that you got an STI, STD, the HIV or HPV in the name of Valentine o. Since as big boy and big girl as you are, you no fit hold body tlil marriage, abeg, use condom. Na the heartbreaks wey go happen after the one-corner dey usually pepper body pass. We go definitely hear the stories, definitely.

Ehn, I know that despite all the campaign about sexually transmitted issues and unplanned babies, some of you will still not want to use condom because you prefer it flesh to flesh which is obviously sweeter, so Dear Fool, ejoor, in order not to commit abortion or have a child outside wedlock that you are not ready to cater for, or even give your husband a child that is not his or your kids a shocking step-sibling, abeg, use morning-after-pills after the unprotected sex.

Let’s be sincere, you are already old and intelligent enough to know when sex is knocking, so that excuse of “I don’t know how it happened” should not for Christ sake be mentioned this 2020. Na beg I dey.

I don’t want to hear that you were too shy to visit a pharmacist for a Condom or pill o. Ehnnnn, there are even medications that can prevent many STIs, STDs including HIV so that if you insist on flesh to flesh, you would still be safe and protected. Kindly go and see your doctor now for professional information.

I give this counsel because of the wickedness, foolishness and idiotness of your hearts and most especially as a sex counsellor who does not want to attend to any sex-related issues after Valentine for free. So if you do, and e come do you back, just know say you go pay for my counselling.

Kindly share this if you have followers and readers who plan to prove their love this February with their penis and vagina. Also, share this so that all those virgins who have purposed in their heart to celebrate this Valentine with their pussy and dick can read it too. Most especially share it for those mumu ones who know all the risk and hazard involved, yet be saying odechi there.

My name is Earl, and I am Alright.

Let’s use our head this valentine to avoid stories that touch.